Whilst often men expect women to be sexy and non-gross at all times, let’s be real here.

Women have functioning human bodies too

  • Peeling off a big piece of nail varnish in one go.
  • Scraping a really good chunk of dirt out from under your nail.
  • Crumbling off your mascara instead of using makeup remover.
  • Not flossing as a treat.
  • Wearing the same bra for several days (weeks?) and not giving a shit.
  • Smelling the clothes you wore yesterday and realising you can definitely wear them again.
  • Using dry shampoo instead of actual shampoo. For several days in a row.
  • Just washing your fringe, and everyone thinking you’ve got lovely clean hair.
  • Picking crumbs out of your bra…and, if you’re feeling really gross, eating them.
  • Finding something even better than crumbs in your bra, like popcorn. Yum.
  • Chilling out in front of the TV with your hands down your pants.
  • Running your fingers through your pubes in a nonsexual way.

  • Eating something that fell on the floor – three-second rule. Or is it five seconds?
  • Keeping a tampon in for slightly longer than you’re meant to.
  • Wrapping toilet paper round your pants instead of using a pad.
  • Picking dry skin of your lips.
  • Picking dry skin of your feet.
  • Weeing in the shower.
  • Weeing in the bath.
  • Cleaning your body with wet wipes instead of having a shower, meaning you can wake up later.
  • Eating food in bed.
  • Smelling your own farts.
  • Picking out your eye goop and marvelling at the size of it.
  • Getting a big bit of ear wax out of your ear.

 

  • Not bothering to wash your sports bra because it’s only going to get dirty again anyway.
  • Plucking out a really tough hair on your face, and putting it on your mirror like a hunting trophy.
  • Squeezing a whitehead and watching a really long pus worm wiggle out.
  • Squeezing a massive zit that hits the mirror.
  • Stroking a rogue chin hair.
  • Picking out an ingrown hair.
  • Staring in awe at all the gunk that comes out on a pore strip.
  • Waking up on Saturday, and going to the shops in your oldest, grubbiest clothes/pyjamas with no makeup and greasy hair. Also known as “grossery” shopping*.
  • Putting fresh makeup over yesterday’s makeup that you didn’t bother to clean off.
  • Smelling your armpits and being impressed by the scent.
  • Whacking new deodorant over old deodorant instead of having a shower.
  • Using perfume instead of having a shower.

 

  • Warming your hands inside you bra by holding your boobs.
  • Picking weird dusty grey stuff out of your belly button.
  • Pulling out a particularly long, wiry pube that catches your attention.
  • Looking into the toilet to admire the size of your poo.
  • Belching louder than any guy.
  • Feeling proud when you do a really noisy fart.
  • Wearing makeup that you bought about 10 years ago.
  • Pulling hairs out of your bum crack in the shower.
  • Spreading your stray hairs on the shower wall.
  • Rolling stray hairs into little balls and throwing them in the vague direction of the bin, missing the bin, and leaving it.
  • Cutting your nails, and not paying attention to where they fly.

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